I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
