We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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