After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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