I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
