I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
