Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
