Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
