Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
