nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
