wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
