It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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