I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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