I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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