I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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