I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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