His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
