Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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