If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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