I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
