Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
farters have to be the big spoon...
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
