If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize
