Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
