nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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