Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
