Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
