On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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