Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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