and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
