I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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