I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
