I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
