I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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