I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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