so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
