she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...