what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
two words...techno handjob
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
