I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
