So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
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Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
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I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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