I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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