You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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