I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
