If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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