Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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