May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
