i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
