Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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