i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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