Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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