I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
