He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
