i just had sex bonerless
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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