Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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