Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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