I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
