He asked to "fluff my boner.."
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
