You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
