We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
