help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
