thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
just tell him i said nine months
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Vodka?
Forever.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
