If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
