oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
